So I’ve always hated mornings since time began. When I wake in the morning I like to slink around finding coffee and clothes in the dark. However my boyfriend is damn cheerful in the morning.
He’s all like:
MORNING. WANT TO GO FOR A MORNING RUN :D
IT’S MORNING BABY LETS GO WALKIES!!!!!
So all Easter Weekend I was trying to finish two papers and I couldn’t find much helpful info, so I basically killed myself writing believable bullshit and stretching it to 6 pages. So I get to class on Tuesday morning and I’m all like:
and handed in both papers. And then I get a creeping suspicion and I turn to the girl next to me and I’m like the bonus essays were due today too right? And she’s like:
Now I want to go back to the bitch who told me I was too stupid to do math and be all in her grill like:
Now when I’m applying to stuff and they ask “Are you graduated?”
I’m all like:
The end. But actually not the end because I’ll be driving around and I suddenly remember that I don’t have to go back to that shitty school again and I’m all like:
Guy *drops you off on a street corner and drives away for no apparent reason*
*ten minutes later* Guy: Babe, what`s wrong. Babe, why are you mad
So I’m at work, when my phone goes off. And again. And again. It goes off so many times that by this point I’m assuming that I must be getting butt texted. When I finally am able to check my phone I find 17 text messages and they tell a story illustrated with memes.
Kirsten: Story of my life: a true Story
Me: determined to get my math homework done tonight
Me working through my math problems
Me when I finished as much as I understood leaving 1.5 questions to ask the teacher on monday.
Me when I finally realized it was friday night and I had done homework. So logically it is TUMBLR TIME
Me on the internet like a sir when I realize….
….there is a huge ass daddy long legs on my pillow next to me
Now this picture isn’t exactly accurate. In fact it is what I wish I could have done. Instead I was trapped in my bed inside a cocoon of blankets - naturally as the weather is getting colder- so instead I resorted to getting the spider on a piece of paper so I could at least remove it from my immediate area
So fuck my life. That just made scared the spider and made it run. while I’m trapped a few inches from it. Kill me now.
So at this point I fuck logic and take off my metaphorical “big girl panties” and start screaming like a pansy. I finally get my book which I proceed to fling across the room.
after it was shot a few feet from my bed I just sat there my heart beating a million beats per minute and my vision not entirely straight from the adrenaline. At this point I’m not even sure if I survived the attack. Is this heaven?
Me when I realized that no this isn’t heaven and yes I did survive. My heart beat has now regained somewhat natural rhythm and I can see clearly.
I peer over the edge of my bed and see that the SPIDER IS DEAD!
Somehow my book managed to squash the spider, but not land on it. The spider is lying an inch or so away from my book. Yay for no bug guts on my book - god knows I never touch that thing again.
Now every two minutes or so I look to make sure that the beast is still dead/hasn’t disappeared.
I am now paranoid about finding another spider in my bed. An idea of humans “swallowing on average 7 spiders in the lifetime in sleep” just became alot more realistic.
Basically it’s french dudes admitting that they are arrogant but they don’t give a shit.
I don’t think I need to explain my reasons